i had a dream, and it has me thinking. bear with me, and please, don't tell me what this dream means, that is so not the point.
in my dream, i was a super spy. almost a savant, i was not devious or treacherous, but somehow, by being competent, honest and straightforward, i walked with integrity through the most complicated situations and somehow always completing my missions.
i dreamed my way through an adventure, and then time rolled forward, as it does in dreams. i realize that i am trapped in a small room with a beautiful russian woman. in our conversation, it was clear she didn't trust me or believe anything i said.
as i looked into her eyes and explained that i really am very simple, i only say what is true, i see that she believes me and suddenly sees me differently. somehow we lean towards each other, drawn by something we are afraid to name, and we kiss, tenderly and briefly. in that instant, in my straightforward way, i know i have kissed the only woman i will ever love.
then i wake up, my wife is sleeping next to me, and i can still feel the impression of the russian spy's lips on mine. still remember the shock of how cool her lips felt, and how that shock expanded inside me, filling me in an instant with awareness and a sense of arrival and completion.
my encounter with christ is like that dream. in the dream, i matter to the creator of the universe. in my dream, i am a person who can accomplish important things by holding to what is true. in my dream, all the emptiness inside me is filled with one person.
and then i wake, pressed on my cheek i feel a fading impression of the kiss of christ, his love for me. wafting away like a scent which is caught and then lost, there is a sense of comfort, knowing that good and evil are not my own personal invention and insanity, but actually the nature of the universe, and that i belong to the good.
and i wake to a sunday morning when i go to church, and try with all my might to convince myself that it wasn't only a dream.
i cannot live this life of faith alone, walking in the early dawn, desperately seeking for a phantasm that is withered by the presence of flesh and blood reaching out for it.
there are people i dream with. we tell each other the stories from our dreams. we begin to see that we have all dreamed the same thing, and that this shared experience is more than a dream. some of you are here in the blogosphere, some are waiting for me at church, and some are thousands of miles away.
i thank god for all of you.