The Lingering Lemon of Death

the gospel of the kingdom

this quarter i am reading theological ruminations on the kingdom of god.  its all very interesting.  while i enjoy thinking about these things, deep down i think i care more about what the kingdom of god feels like than knowing how to think about it.

these two songs speak of the kingdom to me.  they are not deep songs, they do not sing of compassion for the poor, or release for the captives. i sometimes wish the things which funded my imagination were more complex, intellectually impressive, and generally edgy and hip. but i keep going back to these songs when i need to remember why i care, so here, in all my foolishness, is what keeps me going ...

 

This song I like because of the picture it paints of contentment.  There is struggle, but there is also a sense that the kingdom is present, right now.

Down Here Tonight
by Bruce Cockburn
( amazon.com page for album, with song fragment to listen to )

Sweet wind blowing off the bay
Sweeping the heat of the day away
Making the leaves of the palm trees sway
Down here tonight everything's okay

Net's coming in and the anchor's down
Hour of darkness comes around
Stars dust the sky and the lights go on
Soon tonight will be filled with song

Pans gonna play and the fire burn bright
Talking drums say everything's all right
Beating of the sea sends a message
To the far starlight "We're doing okay down here tonight"

The end of the road's still far away
But the travelling's better by the light of day
This hour of darkness is the time to dance
Lay down your burdens -- give the beat a chance

Pans gonna play and the fire burn bright
Talking drums say everything's all right
Beating of the sea sends a message
To the far starlight "We're doing okay down here tonight"

And now this song I like, not because I agree exactly with their vision of heaven, but because I think that the yearnings in the song are the yearnings for heaven and it rhymes for me with the dreams of God as I understand them.

When I Am King by
Great Big Sea
( listen to first verse )

Wake up, without a care. Your head's not heavy, conscience clear
Sins are all forgiven here, yours and mine
Fear has gone without a trace
It's the perfect time, it's the perfect place
Nothing hurting. Nothing sore. No one suffers anymore,
The doctor's found a simple cure.

Just in time

Chorus

All these things if I were King would all appear around me
The world will sing when I am King
The world will sing when I am King

She walks right in she don't even knock. It's the girl you lost to the high school jock
She shuts the door and turns the lock, and takes your hand.
She says she always felt a fool, for picking the Captain over you
She wonders if you miss her, says she always told her sister
That you're the best damn kisser

That she's ever had

Bridge:

Daylight waits to shine until the moment you awaken
So you never miss the dawn
No question, now, you know which road you're taking
Lights all green, the radio plays just the perfect song

Well, the war's been won. All the fights are fought
You find yourself in just the spot
It's a place where everybody's got a song to sing.
Just like the final movie scene. The prince will find his perfect queen
The hero always saves the world. The villains get what they deserve
The boy will always get the girl
When I am King

i'm not sure if this a confession and i am seeking absolution, or a cry in the wilderness, looking for fellow travellers, or a request for better songs to listen to.  maybe its all of those.

it is always "the modern age"

i've heard this enough times, and been bugged by it enough, i finally am pissed enough to write something about it.

people use "the complexities of the modern (or postmodern) era" as an excuse to re-think or re-create. as if all of existence had been static and passive until just 50 years ago when the transistor was invented and suddenly reality began to unravel.

god bless the creatives, i like to think i am one of them, who think that now is a good time to use our imaginations and dream up a way of living that reflects the beauty of christ in this day and age.

but ...

it is always "the modern age", and always has been. and so the time to wrestle, to dream, and to live as a new creation, is, and always has been now.

the value of discipline

vli lecture #1 -- "The Leader's Self Understanding & Spiritual Formation"

apparently consistency and discipline are the keys to a deep and intimate relationship with god.

what am i supposed to do about that? when i am dead, i will be consistenly dead, until then, the lack of consistency and discipline will continue to define and dominate my life.

stories about other people who used to be undisciplined but now live a life of regimented precision and glorious spiritual intimacy are about as helpful as stories of people who have lost weight by just deciding to do so and simply following some program.

i had a teacher in junior high who i have come to see as brilliant. in his tests, insetad of selecting "true" or "false", you were asked to select answers which were the "least true" or "most false". i'm asking myself questions of that category now. which of the following are the "least true"

• god hates me and on purpose created me so it would be difficult for me to be intimate with him to save himself from having to be close to me.
• i am a loser who just needs to suck it up and get with the program
• disciplined people write books, so of course all books about spiritual formation are written from that point of view. the person who has found a path of intimacy that does not require discipline also can't write a book about it. but the way is out there, if i can find it.
• i have a handicap, similar to blindness or lack of a limb. i have to learn to live in a world where i am not normal, and find my own measures of success, and try not to get discouraged or bitter.