vli lecture #1 -- "The Leader's Self Understanding & Spiritual Formation"
apparently consistency and discipline are the keys to a deep and intimate relationship with god.
what am i supposed to do about that? when i am dead, i will be consistenly dead, until then, the lack of consistency and discipline will continue to define and dominate my life.
stories about other people who used to be undisciplined but now live a life of regimented precision and glorious spiritual intimacy are about as helpful as stories of people who have lost weight by just deciding to do so and simply following some program.
i had a teacher in junior high who i have come to see as brilliant. in his tests, insetad of selecting "true" or "false", you were asked to select answers which were the "least true" or "most false". i'm asking myself questions of that category now. which of the following are the "least true"
- god hates me and on purpose created me so it would be difficult for me to be intimate with him to save himself from having to be close to me.
- i am a loser who just needs to suck it up and get with the program
- disciplined people write books, so of course all books about spiritual formation are written from that point of view. the person who has found a path of intimacy that does not require discipline also can't write a book about it. but the way is out there, if i can find it.
- i have a handicap, similar to blindness or lack of a limb. i have to learn to live in a world where i am not normal, and find my own measures of success, and try not to get discouraged or bitter.