i can't even write this blog post, that is how screwed up the world is.
my church home for the past 20 years having a little private internal struggle. which i can't say anything about.
nobody knows anything because everyone is trying to be so respectful. i don't even know anything, except that which is obvious to anyone with eyes, this is not going well. still, without knowing anything that is going on, the experience of knowing most of these people for 20 years means that i think i have a general idea of what is happening, even if nobody is saying anything.
and some day in the future, all the struggle will be swept under the rug, and we'll have a party as if something wonderful had just happened, stepping over the dead bodies as we dance towards happiness.
i have no idea how to do this better.
i only know that what is going on now sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks.
and i am sitting here trying to decide if i want to just dance over the dead bodies with everyone else, silently leave, or make a big jerk of myself. i have no idea what to do, all roads seem bad. lobotomy would be ok, maybe i'll ask if they can do that for me, then i could sit in the corner and clap for the pretty lights and drool my approval.
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